Through it all, at the end of the day, I just have tried to find a bright spot. Yes some mental things happen now that never happened before like I call my brother’s each other’s name. I’m well aware that some of these things just sometimes happen to people but they literally started happening to me over night… but when I stop for a second I remember they aren’t that big of a deal. I was told that I would not be able to make memories as well as I used to and that I won’t be able to retrieve them as well. That’s rough at some level but forgetting some of the phases that came right after the surgery gives it an upside. But I started this blog to give myself my own perspective long after this passed and I’m ever more grateful that this and photography are two of my hobbies. I’ve always written down stuff that Kiana says that is unique and that I want to remember and so those hobbies are even more significant now and I make sure to capture at least a picture or 10 of the first time we do something for the first time or for a special time. We’ve done some neat things that I had never done like paint our toenails together and do our make up. We have done things that neither of us had ever done like maintain a garden, make brownies, go to a hair salon, make a big puzzle, decorate and paint a house by putting our handprints all over it as primer. Even the part that hurt the worst, that her mother is now with Dre, I tried to find the silver lining in that at least the new boyfriend isn’t a complete stranger to Kiana’s life.
But with that said I have literally started referring to my Life as life part II. The day after Duke I went with my friends Susan to get the tattoo that we had decided back in November. It was just the lion and the lion cub since the lioness had gone hunting. Susan sat and held my hand through the pain which makes it a good memory instead of a painful one. Perhaps more significantly, we went to lunch at the same place we did a few days after the diagnosis. The first thing she said as she saw me was “The Boy Who Lived” and like Harry Potter I had the scar on my head to prove it. Chapter 1 was that Tattoo. It was 5 and a half hours, longer and more painful that the marathon and the brain surgery had been. Kiana loved it when she saw it though she did say it was great but she wished I’d still gotten mommy on it so that she would come back. If it was only that simple…
Chapter 2 would be a family reunion a few days later. Of course, some of my family is very conservative and religious and offended by the tattoo. And I’m not really the tattoo type but when life throws you a curve ball sometimes you have to change your swing. Plus Kiana likes it now, she’ll like it when she’s older and she’ll be embarrassed when she’s a teenager and I show it off all the time to prove that I’m the cool dad.
Then, I announced a party that I’d been thinking about and entitled it Life Part II with the Yes response being quoted as “This better not be a trilogy.” Life Part II is missing the leading lady for the first part but I hope it’s one of those rare movies where the sequel is better.
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