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I am not naive and I know that in doing the right things, some people have gotten screwed throughout human history. And some people in doing the wrong things have been richly rewarded by manipulating the system. Perhaps there is karma or heaven or hell to make it all right in the end; I don't know and I don't care. The universe isn't always clean nor fully predictable; I have a cancer that has no known dietary, genetic, lifestyle or environmental predictors (this is not true of all cancers, some cancers have some lifestyle predictors ie if you smoke you are more likely to get lung cancer, some have genetic predictors, if your mom had breast cancer, your odds are much higher etc). However, with all cancers, they also study survival factors. If you take this treatment, your chances are this much better. If you have this gene, your chances are that much better. If you chance this about your diet, if you are this age. It's why I went to Duke, the nationwide survival rate for brain cancer is 12% and at Duke it's 18% (that's 50% better). On this cancer, I have drawn the short end of the string several times. I'm relatively old for it; if I'd gotten it as a kid, my stats would have been better. The reality that it's in the left temporal lobe period, the fact that it's so central, the fact that it wasn't fully removed, the fact that it's not fully visible through any modern imagery, the fact that a side effect in the wrong place alone could kill you (a seizure when in the wrong place)... One things we know about health in general is that people who exercise and people who have good connections are healthier period so I'm very blessed on those account. But yesterday, yesterday I got good news. Who knows if this will pan out for me but a study was released in October of this year that people who run or walk long distances have a 40% lower rate of brain cancer death rate, 40% is not a small number (http://journals.lww.com/acsm-msse/Abstract/publishahead/Reduced_Risk_of_Brain_Cancer_Mortality_from.98232.aspx). As my little brother might have incredibly eloquently put it, boy did you pick the right sport. I've said all along that I have made decisions like I play poker (I play Texas hold em, not five card stud or 7 card stud) where each card can change the odds, and the right flop or turn or river can significantly change the odds. It was nice to see this study where it felt like odds were flipping in my favor.

And she's signed up for a Spartan kids race in December. Spartans are the only race she's never gotten to come to and the way it's set up I definitely can't do it with a stroller so we'll do the kids one and then cheer on other people doing it. And my first marathon ever was the Austin marathon and 2014 will be the first year I miss it because Kiana and I are going to do her first 5k together then and afterwards we get to hang out some medals. People have reprimanded me for some missed opportunities and invitations, that I'll regret it if I ever get older and wiser. Maybe they're right but I doubt it.
One of the guys from the ship who I admire more than most people is someone we call Big because he moved to running from the football world. He is a coach and was the person who gave me rides often when this all started. He was the one who gave me a ride to the first run I went to after the biopsy where I felt so off that I literally cried at the end of a 14 mile training run and he said just take it one run at a time. He was the first person who was the Shipmate of the Year in my running group and he would be the one who introduced it the next year when I got it. He tries to pretend he's a tough guy (which he is) but he also sets up the gatorade at every workout, stays till the last person leaves. He finally qualified for Boston (you can read much better writing at http://workrunhunt.wordpress.com/2013/10/27/st-george-marathon-1052013/) but my favorite remark there is that he qualified on the workouts more than the race. When I spoke at the Pocatello marathon, or in the video I said it less eloquently but I really do think the rhythm and rhyme of the song matters much more than the final beat... I hope to get both right but if I only get one.

Obviously one of my coping mechanisms is songs and one of the latest favorite is Avicii's Wake Me Up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_KJAg8bHI). The lyrics are brilliant (and it's pretty fun to dance to)
Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start
They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me
So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost
So if to catch more of Kiana's life, whether or not the turn gave me increased odds, I have to miss some other cool adult things is life passing me by... well that's fine by me.
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