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The day had already had some interesting moments before that
arrived. I’d had lunch with a friend as he’s preparing for colon cancer surgery
and chemo. He had run a marathon in the middle of it all (who does that kind of
stuff? That’s insane). We sat and talked about serious stuff and joked around various
things (perhaps one of my favorite cancer jokes yet is if he’s learned anything
from the colon cancer experience it’s that while he plans to beat cancer, he
definitely couldn’t have survived prison for long). But we sat and talked about the athletics, the
emotions, the family experience that he’s doing with it all which from what I
can gather he’s doing it holistically much better than I did (and somewhere my
mind is laughing at the fact that I used the word holistically completely
unintentionally).
But from there, in the strange life I lead, I went to an
interview (I’m sure in due time that will get linked on here and why the
interviews keep coming I don’t understand since the story hasn’t really changed
it’s still one foot in front of the other) and for the first time ever, I cried
in the middle of an interview (luckily it was for a print one). We were talking
about various things but crying came when referencing the song that has been on
many stroller playlists (first song on the Waco playlist), Steven Curtis
Chapman’s Cinderella (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrWMBC6yoME)\

While she is here in my arms
‘Cause I know something the prince never new
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don’t want to miss even one song
‘Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
So it was a heavy emotional day… and in science it’s often said that correlation does not mean causation. But it may tell you that when the emotions get heavier these blog entries tend to get more direct and sometimes goofier and the runs a little more intense.
But while I’m a guy who is betting huge chunks of his life on sciences’ approach of correlation and causation, there are other things that come to mind. But while that’s how I’m staying alive but what I’m living for is something that was said in dead poet’s society:
“We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”
I joke and I run but I
also read poetry and appreciate art like Van Gogh (shh even though tons of
poems and songs have been quoted in here obviously a guy who is a marathoner, a
Spartan, and a centurion doesn’t read poems. That would be so not tough and
macho; it’d be like painting your toenails or something).
So the simple truth is
I’m three days away from the race that has most intimidated me… well ever… with
the Waco marathon. The interviewer said you’ll have to let me know how that
goes and I showed her the elevation profile and said “I can tell you how it’s
going to go, I’m going to get across the finish line and no other promises.”

But that is another
resolution this year, to say I love you more…. With the caveat that we both
understand what the other is saying. Except I always say it to Kiana and my
puppy… cause I think they both get it. (Which by the way the song we’re
listening to the most, but only on youtube cause I can’t find a digital version
of it is Dean and Martin’s “Side by side” so if you can point me to a digital
version of that, I’ll seriously appreciate it).
Resolution, like love
is a word that can be applied in many things. I’ve received one from the government;
I’ve made some for New Year’s, last entry I talked about chemistry and physics but
there resolution is the act of separating or reducing things to its component
parts (an important process yet somehow I subscribe to the idea that the whole
is always greater than the sum of its parts). In medicine, it means that you’ve
terminated a condition and I hope that day comes for me assuming termination
means healing not death. In music, it means taking dissonant tone to a constant
tone. Resolution is what it will take to get through this marathon Sunday.
With so many different
meanings, I wondered about the etymology, origin of resolution. I thought maybe
it literally came from the idea that you solve something again, you re-solve
it. But it apparently comes from the Latin word to release something, to let it
go.
I don’t know if it was
due to the references to my blog and social media in the resolution, or part of
the interview or if it was just human curiosity, the interviewer asked what I
was trying to achieve in facebook and social media. It was a question I wasn’t
prepared for nor did I have a great
answer and simply answered, the same thing everyone else is but I don’t know
that I immediately knew what that was. But I think we share on facebook, in
this blog for the same reason my dog wants to be walked, for the same reason we
want to scream or cry sometimes, the same reason Kiana wants to draw sometimes
and other times she wants butterfly kisses, because we are human and we
need/desire/hope for release of that humanity and we’re all just trying to find
a way to do it. (If there’s anything we learn from the Richard Sherman’s
yelling after a win (I screamed after my marathon win too) is that there’s some
that are more socially accepted than others.) And so today I do my last training run before
the marathon, I’ve got some music playing in the background right now and so
there’s many releases for my humanity. For mine, this social media is one of
them but you have to wonder whether the days that I write about something in
here that most people take as private whether or not by being so public I’m only
hiding in the open since telling everyone about your emotions something is only
slightly braver than telling it to no one., In my view, the bravest approach may well be the balance of sharing it and investing it most with significant
people knowing that hurt may come tougher that way. And while I post way too much on here and on facebook, my favorite
moments still in life are the face to face ones and it’s some how disappointing
and makes sense that in some of my favorite moments in life I only manage to
get out the camera for a second and capture a moment rather than trying to capture
them so much to remember the future that I miss the present.
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