Thursday, July 31, 2014

Some Nights

I am a little while from my next trip and race, headed to the West Coast in a few minutes to fly to Portland to see my little brother David. We'll be filming once again for NBC sports for the Washington Spartan race. I still am amazed at the fact that cameras talk to me because of hanging out with my kid for a marathon (okay it helps that I won it). But Kiana will be doing the Spartan kids version and my little brother will be doing his first spartan and his first race in quite a while (I'll be doing the elite heat and then doing it again next to him, though I assure you we will do all the obstacles on our own and the running next to each other. My first spartan I had someone next to me and all they provided was mental help ( I hope to be the same for my brother. 

I've sat here and thought of some of the things to say for the interview. It's usually answering questions but I often get to say a couple of things at the end. But it won't be about cancer even though I think cancer sucks. (In fact I'm involved in two fundraisers for it right now and if you want to donate as a gift for my upcoming 34th birthday you'll be my  hero, one is for Livestrong and the other is for brain cancer research But the reason it sucks is because it gets in way of life. And I go to church and am trying to get a couple of friends to join. But even as my counselor and I are "breaking up" or as one rather cute girl felt the need to mention, we are consciously uncoupling with only one more session left the week of August 10th, I think cancer sucks for the same reason "sin" does. Because it gets in the way of life. And by life in case this blog hasn't been abundantly clear and redundant is those connections you make that somehow are so much better in person but that we've invented photos, blogs, twitter and facebook to try to replicate.

There are times I've been encouraged, critiqued, (if you're a communications expert feel free to insert your word here to correct the guy with aphasia) for not delivering a more potent anti cancer, or pro Jesus or pro health care thing, or more exercise things though I believe I've done that to a responsible agree with that fundraising and with the videos etc. But the biggest message of my life, what the guy with the bad memory hopes to remember forever, is that connection you get, in a good conversation in sharing moments with meaningful people. Sometimes it's not just about a race, it's over a snow cone or under stars or things that aren't much more sophisticated than when someone tickled you. Look I'm a guy who likes to race, go fast and often win but sometimes it's about learning to slow down with them as you cross some bridges in life because like people have slowed down to speed me up in races and vice versa... there's something unsurpassable.

I've been working on my playlist for the Spartan race (these are a little different than road races so I play it on shuffle since like life I don't know what's coming on the course; there's another great song on there as I question whether George Clooniness or the new path is the better way for me but maybe that one's best left on the table for a bit). Oddly enough a couple of the songs that made the "Guy with a stroller wins a marathon"  were from Fun but there was a song of theirs I had not paid attention to that is on this playlist. It's "Some Nights." As I get ready for this interview and prepare a speech for a marathon three weeks after

Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights I call it a draw
Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights I don't know anymore...

And trust me, I'm insecure/confused enough to wonder if when given literally chances to talk to strangers and share something  
if I'm delivering anywhere near the right message... Most nights I don't know. But when I get to hang out with my little girl or my little brother and his little boy. When I get to realize that this weekend, the three people who were there at the Boston marathon, the one I'd put off brain surgery to qualify for, and at medical appointments, my little brother, my daughter and my mother, that after this weekend, assuming it all goes well, that I will have done a race next to every person of some sort... then I dare to dream that will be some night I'll sleep with a little more rest from the exhaustion and a little more peace from the gratefulness. They all came out to Boston for me and I'll now have gotten to do a race with them in their hometown... so Bon Jovi maybe right, who says you can't go home. 

With next to no cultural sensitivity, when my little brother was born with his almond shaped eyes and we nicknamed him Chino. He embraced it and it would have to take someone really cool for me to ever get a tattoo again and maybe we'd get matching ones but maybe the right one would be the Chinese characters for faith hope and love. I know that the first person to write those said the greatest of those was love but they're all pretty great to me. 

So some nights... I wonder how all this happened... most nights I don't know. But I think the next few nights as I hang out with my brother and mother and spartans... faith, hope and love will remind me why and it'll know. So for the next few nights... yeah there's a race but this will be the longest trip I've taken since Boston with and for family. That'll make for some good days and nights. 

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