A little under six years ago back in October of 2010, a couple of weeks before the grand mal seizure would start , I had just started training for my 2nd shot at the Austin marathon. My first go-around I had done my long runs entirely on my own, the idea of getting up at the crack of dawn on the weekend to run 10-20 miles seeming what it is, absurd. You go out on Friday night and Saturday night and thus get up after sunrise on the next day, not before it much less to pound pavement. I was out doing 20 miles not too long ago and there were some people playing pikeman go at 5 am on the Texas Capitol as we ran through and one of my runner friends thought that was silly. I said it’s arguable which one of us doing the less intelligent thing since we were running in near 80 degree weather 2 hours before sunrise.
During the improv show, one of audience members threw out to the improvisers “worst lines ever delivered at a funeral.” I don’t remember any of those lines but afterwards Todd and I went out to eat and we joked around about how we would deliver the worst lines at each other’s funeral. At mine, he reportedly is going to say “Psh, so what I’ve got two other friends.” I recently updated some minor details to my will and sent it to him and he wrote back “Don’t use this anytime soon; my other two friends are going to require longer eulogies and I still haven’t started working on them.” That same conversation we realized we actually had a mutual friend because we had both donated to her Race for the Cure. I had helped out with fundraisers for charities before this and he asked why I’d never helped out with a cancer one and I responded with the reality at the time, “I’ve never really been close to anyone who had cancer.”
Less than 2 weeks later I’d be in the hospital with a grand mal seizure, waiting for a biopsy to figure out what this brain tumor like material in my MRI was. He was one of several good friends who visited me, I mean one of 3 and he asked what I felt like eating and I don’t know where it came from but I said “Hooters wings.” He responded with “well there’s definitely something wrong with your brain, who gets Hooters to go?!? But all right if that’s what you feel like, I’ll have them for you… right after the biopsy.” There’s a picture of me waking up not long after the biopsy, no one has ever noticed it or at least not commented on it but there’s some chicken wings right in front of it.
See, I love the attitude and the encapsulation of it better. It’s not “yes, when” “yes ,but” and not “no.” There’s obviously a time for all of these things but it is my hope, my motto, a mantra that ‘yes and’ has become my default for life. This has led to some mistakes but mostly for me in the last few years it has led to some really cool things and even when it’s led to mistakes I’d rather regret things I have done than things I haven’t. Like Frankie said I did it my way and I just want to live while I’m alive. I don't know the etymology but perhaps improvise and improvement have a similar beginning for a reason.
Kiana and I continue to train for the Livestrong Challenge her first 20 mile ride. She is at $400 of the $500 fundraising goal she set (if you want to donate go here). We train honestly, outside when we can and avoiding some of the lightning yes we get out of outdoors then and even so set up an indoor spot for those days.
I fly in and out of Vegas, won’t be there long and I hear that what happens stays there but I have limited time so I’ll just catch a little gambling, a meal, and a show before a middle of the night flight out of there. The show is Cirque de Solei covering Michael Jackson music and dancing. Got a cute date even. Somewhere in the middle of all that I’ll be running a marathon. I try to remind myself what I say in most of my race speeches that the race is the reward not the work.
With that attitude and being out of debt I’ve set aside a small amount of money every month to just do something that looks towards the future. None of it is a big deal, it’s just a sign of hope that the future has more “yes ands” that I’ve dared dream of for too long. This month I bought new silverware from Costco since I didn’t even have a full set remaining from the past. Call it concrete, I meal medal dreaming about that many good meals are still coming and that they should be properly served. Going to college in Napa Valley made some impression.
Kiana has adopted the attitude. I took her to a new swimming spot a friend introduced me to on Monday. It took me only till Friday to take her and a Spartan trainer who was visiting town. All I had done was jump on Monday but immediately she asked if she could dive; I responded with yes and if I don’t break my neck you can too (it was plenty deep enough). Then she asked if she could do flips into the water and I said yes and let me take some pictures of that. We went back to the rope swing which we’ve done many times where we kept swinging. What was supposed to be the last swing her foot caught on the the rope after she let go and she was flipped and landed badly into the water. She came out crying and I held her for a while. I asked her if we could do it one more time together with me on one tree and her on the other. She said yes and we went out on a high note, fear from a bad landing was a hesitation for just a split second but it didn’t win the day.
We went to a marathon kids kick off the next day. She ran more laps than anyone in the entire school in the 25 minutes allotted. Then just for good measure she went back out after everyone was done cause she wanted to get a proper 5k in. We stopped and flipped some tires at a Spartan event, then drove hour hours to Beaumont to speak at a Livestrong event where Kiana heard some things she’d never heard before. She had a smiling face at some points, a quiet one at others and a big hug at the end.
I still wonder if I’ve gotten any of this right. I still get nervous about each race. I still worry about every medical appointment. Yes I do and that is why we keep going.
You are doing it right!
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