Perfect Imperfections

In describing my fears of what has gone on in my brain, I always note that what is at risk and at some level damaged in me are my memory and language skills. But 8 days into being married, I have to tell you that if they were perfect they couldn't have captured the happiest day my life has seen, so far, which is my wedding day 8/18/18. This entry will be like looking at the night sky where you see beauty and try to create patterns in a massive spacious place that is so far beyond what I'll ever understand.

Where to start? I suppose I'll start with a story I always turn dad mode on when some romantic or pop song comes on the radio about how someone is perfect and I'm like 'Kiana don't believe that, no one is perfect and that's okay. There's some balance of acceptance and striving to improve but if acceptance makes you lazy the former is less important'. She rolls her eyes so loud I can hear them from the backseat and goes "yes, dad." However, not long before the wedding, John Legend's All of Me came on and I was belting out:

"'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you"

Kiana is like wait, why do you like that song, it has perfect in it. As un-eloquently as I could, I tried to say that was the balance and somehow communicated it to where Kiana said it made sense. That's the best I could hope for in remembering our wedding day. 

We had events for several days before with family, international friends, any friend who wanted to show up, rehearsal dinners. Without exception, someone made fun of me at it and at some level jokes aimed at Elaine seemed directed at me. There were 8 events just like there would be 8 cases of ice cream, Mexican coke, wine, beer. Anyway, I'd cover them all but I'm sure it's no surprise that for the couple being married on 8/18/18 there were 18 8 things. Someone asked if there were things they had missed and of course there was, that was the point and there were things I couldn't catch with so much of my friends and family there in the room. There were people there who had been there since Kiana's birth, since Elaine's birth, and way back when at my birth and at all points in between. If you want an outsider's perspective, this blogger and his wife got blogged about by the only reporter invited because we've become friends. And if you believe the adage that a picture is worth a thousand words, here's 195k better words than what I'll write.  

But if you'll let me write down a few, I was more emotional that day than I can recall. I ran with no watch on with the group I had met Elaine through. Some of the run was with her, partly with her brother, partly with guests. I don't know the distance since I went back and forth some but it was all on easy pace but when I got to half a mile to go, I ran on my own and bolted till the finish. My last closing solo run was going to be with conviction as a single man. I went from there to get the fro removed because well it was a fun gag but I wanted her to say I do. And in a day where everyone was getting ready to grow up a little more, I took Kiana to her 6th grade orientation which no surprise to anyone she wanted to go to see her schedule step by step for each of the 3 variations that it comes in which included what felt like stair repeats in her 3 story school. 

I had a thousand jokes to tell the groomsman and the officiant and my family and friends and guests during, before or after the wedding but not one came out smoothly, some didn't come out at all. From the shot of tequila with the guys to the prayer with my pastor, tears, usually one at a time came flowing. Still, the smiles and preparedness solidified when Kiana tied my bowtie. 

I could tell you some of the things that went wrong in preparation like that the original caterer wasn't the final one or that the original band ended up being replaced by 4 different musicians but a good show you don't notice the lights and sounds, you notice the focus and if we got it right, the people who were present had the focus on faith, hope and love and the greatest of those was love. Surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, the officiant, Elaine's coach and the guy I run with the most, delivered pun after pun, joke after joke but poignant ones but he pointed out both of our stubbornness and captured the fact that our best days and our worst days have been when they are aimed in the right direction. We had written our own vows and never having heard each other's before was a good thing...at least for Elaine cause she upstaged me. 

We skipped a lot of proper 'ceremonial' stuff. No one except the flower girl, the bride and the ring bearer walked down the less than 20 yard aisle and all songs being played before and during the ceremony were actually meaningful ones to us from movies or musicals, for me one hymn. Still, when did I become one of those people that's all about their animal? Was it when I brought her from the south pacific? Was it when I bought a house partly based on that it had a doggy door? Well, whenever it was, it was solidified when my 14.5 year old friend was the ring bearer and I traded out her one ring per treat.  There was an exchange of rings but no with this ring I thee wed (there were no thees or thous for that matter). 

We had plans after the ceremony that went askew but I'm not sure anyone including us noticed. We had skipped the dad walking down the aisle part, disregarding the idea the tradition that someone was giving away the bride as well she'd made that decision on her own. We did take everyone on a walk though across a mile of beautiful terrain that would have felt surprisingly reasonable in a suit, in a day that had reached 102, much less both of them.  The traditional dances of daddy/daughter, mom/son gave way to entire family dances. While we may have ignored the traditional role of parents, parents still got to give speeches and if anyone thinks I wasn't nervous during that time, I want to point out I was chugging straight from the bottle of a wine that I gave Elaine that she's the only I'll ever share with, the Hess Collection Lion Tamer. Both the officiant and Elaine's dad were incredibly gracious in pointing out how important Kiana was to us. 

There were  board games, puzzles and Kiana-hand-painted lawn games, dancing and DJ's. We'd billed it as a party that happened to include a wedding and I hope it lived up to the hype. One hour after it was over feels the same as 8 days out, it was a blur but a blast. The groomsmen had made me take off my watch which I'm a little bitter about because all those steps and dancing I don't get credit for. But maybe that means the donuts and Mexican ice cream or rum with Mexican coke that I had also don't count? 5 of the 7 continents were represented, several language, a few more countries and plenty of states. Somehow life has been kind enough to realize friends had showed us where people did show up from north, south, east and west.

We got married under a start line with a skyline of Austin. There was a moon and each of our constellations on pretty much everything, perhaps showing what I dare our marriage grows into until life's final finish line, something well grounded and always reaching so far beyond what we can imagine. 

The fine dance of being a host to all your friends and family got us to conscientiously spend tome of the time apart and together physically but we kept checking in, some times with a dance, sometimes with a look, sometimes with a kiss, and each time with a smile. When we did get around to doing the first official dance it was actually to a song from the Greatest Showman, Tightrope. I was nervous and people thought some of the things that happened organically were practiced like when we touched each other's nose but they hadn't which somehow made it more special to both the audience and us. 

Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between
Desert and ocean
You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream
Always in motion
So I risk it all just to be with you
And I risk it all for this life we choose

There are many blog entries here about this hopeful romantic that this day would never come. Well, life is unpredictable but this was the best thing I would have bet against (in fact I did and I paid the $100 a couple of days ago). But for those few minutes that dance lasted would have been worth that and all the risks that come and will come with it are too. 

But I promise you this, while that day, it was the happiest day of my life, I'll work hard at making sure that doesn't stay true. I proposed before a start line on purpose. We got married under a start line for a reason. Unsurprisingly when we changed and got out of there through a tunnel, we ran through friends and family that were cheering us on but like I intend and promised that day, I'm running with her. Yesterday, on a hot humid summer day, we did our first run of married life of 20 miles together.

No we aren't going to do every single thing together but we're in for the long haul and anytime we're running to the next place or next adventure, we'll be running off holding hands. The song says walking the tightrope but I think we'll be running it. The engagement, the dating, the wedding, this writing about it all, nothing we've ever done together has gone perfect. And yet through all those imperfections it all there is one thing I couldn't improve on, I made a perfect choice in who I said I do to.