I regularly get people who pray with me and for me. There
have been many Bible verses sent to me over this course as well as other sacred
texts. Because of the fact that I got 3:16 on my first marathon after the
surgery, there has been a suggestion that it was someone watching over me and I
should become the Tim Tebow of running; I am not quite sure what that means.
But a text that has been quoted to me more than once has been the one from
Esther when she had to decide to put her own life at risk in order to save some
people: “Who knows if you were placed here for such a time as this?” Without
exception everyone who has quoted it has suggested that I was given brain
cancer to help other people with it or other medical issues. I don’t know what
to say to that other than to remind people that Esther is the only book in the
Bible that doesn’t have the name of God anywhere in it and that it begins with
who knows. And to be perfectly honest, I have never once prayed to be cured of
cancer and I’ve shared that with a few people who point out that they do enough
praying for both of us. I’ve never volunteered this to anyone with cancer who I
was talking to but always answered it honestly. I was fairly heartbroken that
one of the first people I talked to last summer passed away earlier this week. I’ve prayed plenty in the last 18 months but I
figured the guy who runs the universe has better people to help. I prayed
plenty that my marriage would work out but of course if someone is running the
universe, they would be worthy very little if they overran free will. Even
though I meet with a minister each week who always asks what to pray with me
for, I’ve never asked once for him to pray for me to be healed.
I start training for that 100 mile bike ride now and have
already registered for the Brainpower5k (to register or donate go to
brainpower5k.com). And I am considering considering (yes that’s meant to be
repeated) getting back into that dating scene in some form or another but like
that 100 mile bike ride acknowledging that while I have some basic concept, I
really don’t know what I’m doing. The mental rehab is about to start and on the
days I’m honest with myself, I realize that the reason I say no to many things
is just pride. Someone in my running group has offered me a scholarship for my
ambulance bill at the work out if I give it to him and I haven’t. Like the
tournaments that were thrown and the medical bills that were written off, I’ve
not done a good job in taking much help with anything that doesn’t have to do
with Kiana.
I’ve started working on what I want my life part II birth
certificate to look like, see picture above (if anyone is really good with arts
and crafts, please please help me. ) It has the first race I did which I somehow got bib 911, the Livestrong Marathons (bib 8!) and 5k, the brain power
5k, the turkey trot, the first race I ever did in the stroller division and the
Boston Marathon, the first race I ever hugged that beautiful princess Kiana. I want to help these
causes but let me be clear that I don’t know if this is why I’m alive or what I
was meant to do. I wish the path was clear on how to deal with my life in any
area really. I get emails from Kiana’s mom about things lots of little and big
things I did wrong during the marriage and can’t quite make sense on why I’m
getting those a year later if she’s so happy with this new guy now…
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