Thursday, December 13, 2012

Carry On

I said many many things in that Livestrong video which was highlighted this week on their facebook page… an odd thing when someone points out to you that thousands of people like a picture of you… luckily it’s clearly that my daughter is gorgeous since my ugly face is essentially blocked but over and over I hope that the sentiment that I live and die by is you have to work on the relationships you want to keep… And that right now taking care of my daughter is the most important one…
I did the Decker half marathon the same one that was a couple of weeks after the diagnosis, the one where coincidentally they gave me bib 911 2 years ago and have been kind enough to keep giving it to me since then. It was the most miserable conditions I’ve ever started a race in 72 degrees and 97% humidity but it was somehow comforting to have and see people there from Livestrong, from Austin Fit where I coached, from the original Austin Runners Club, the founder of Hawktober, people from Luke’s locker. I don’t know if I consciously or unconsciously slow down more during those hot days but it was a tough half… with me getting my second best time ever but the first time I ever had the second half of a race be slower than the first. The playlist had the most new songs any list had ever had (usually it’s just one or two) but the two most meaningful ones as I sat there and worried about the hearing that was supposed to occur challenging custody was Carry On ( I meet people who think that somehow keeping going when you’re told you’re dying is admirational… something I don’t honestly quite understand… I guess I think that’s what you’re supposed to do is keep going till the finish line. The song carry on has some great lines at the right moment (called the hill at mile 10 that I can’t believe I paid money to run up)

Though I've never been through hell like that
I've closed enough windows
To know you can never look back

May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

My head is on fire
But my legs are fine
Cause after all they are mine

And I did and I got my second best time, fourth over all and first in my age group but that song played at the right time… It will definitely be on the Austin Marathon playlist
An attorney is helping me with the case through appropriately enough the connection of an ultimate friend, Matt, who has run me into both of the last 2 marathons in case anything went wrong. It is also being helped by a running friend who is helping me as well as he’s a single father. I am not as worried but I am less worried. In the second month without any cancer appointments, I am also not as worried about that. Of course neither worry nor lack of it might change the outcome much… but I hope it does. I keep thinking of  Paul’s statement now remains faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is Love. They are all pretty great.

The school thanked me today about volunteering at their library and reading to kids and seeing Kiana so much. I walked her one block in the cold this morning, the best part of every morning. And the kid who like to be number 8 because he was born on 8/8/80 hopes to someday take her to the wall of china on an 8/8 since it’s my number and since there it’s father’s day.  The biggest birthday party of my life was on 08/08/08 at a Chinese restaurant called 888 which was when the Chinese started their Olympics. I am not superstitious but some part of the hopeless romantic in me wants to believe that somehow means I was born to be Kiana’s dad.

Who knows what’s coming? Since the seizures are the biggest concern, I am meeting with a doctor in regards to that in February. Today, I go to the Austin marathon’s holiday party where they’ve joked about how when I start running their marathon, my bib will be the first number they retire. But until then, my past will be the sound of my feet upon the ground and this morning Kiana said it was too cold so I actually carried her the one block to school. My head may be on fire but my legs are just fine so I’ll keep  carrying on. 

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