
Often my email signature is a quote that currently is
hitting home and it currently quotes Tauscher (though I changed the he to she
for obvious reasons), “We worry about what a child will become tomorrow and
forget that she is someone today.” Childhood is ridiculously fun for most of us
because of its simplicity. Even people like me who grow up poor and in a rough
neighborhood find a joy in things like tag and hide and seek and for me and
many other children, above all running. Sure eventually, childhood gets more
complicated as we go through puberty and realize a variety of things and then
there’s career options and this and that… and those are great and confusing
stages of life… but I’m trying to teach Kiana what I’m trying to learn myself: I’m not
nearly as good at long term planning as I used to be, today in some ways always matters more.

The jokes still continue with the executors of my will
saying that he bought a house on top of a hill that way it’s harder for me to
get there because it’s tough to bike that steep and the other executor saying
that it’s weird that people acknowledge they have even met me. It’s good to have friends that blow you off
even as the slow news week continues (http://running.competitor.com/2013/06/news/enjoying-the-ride_75176#post-comments)
. But while I love and share Livestrong’s attitude that we’re fighting cancer,
my biggest focus is the same as most children I’ve ever met, babysat and the
one I’m trying to raise, you just hang out and live with the people you love. I
mean even the world’s greatest religions I hope aren’t preaching extending life
just for the sake of living… it’s for the sake of living right. I fight and
deal with the medical issues and bills (relieved to say that all arguments about
past ones got settled a few days ago!) because well, I am not trying to avoid dying just trying to keep living.
There are of course stark reminders of reality of what I assume and bet will come unfortunately . The guy who
owned me at the Angels Among Us 5K is struggling with the brain cancer drugs he’s
on to where right now he’s not really running and it’s been less than 2 months
since he owned me and he’s been aware of his cancer less than six months (I trust and pray he'll kick it's ass)… the
girl who had brain cancer and had the biggest team for the Livestrong marathon
passed away within the last month and she was much younger than me… one of the
guys from the cancer and transitions class about my age I attended whose cancer
was gone died less than a month ago… One of the girls from the young and strong
club’s group who is about a decade younger than me has brain surgery Friday and
asked if we could have a meal together, she also has seizures and the couple of
hours together we shared some point. With each of these, it's nice and scary to know there was someone out there
who got a little bit more of you than most people. Each of these mess with me significantly
though for some reason the guy who beat me at Duke made me cry for quite a
while. None of our tomorrow’s are
promised but statistically speaking, like poker, there are those of us whose
odds are dramatically different than each others but again none of us have our tomorrow promised.


Invitations to some things have dramatically slowed down but have still kept coming in and on the ones I have Kiana unless I can participate with her I say no (that's been tough on a couple of them) but otherwise it's a yes. Yeah the running slut thing continues... But I keep thinking that Kiana and I have a great relationship for many reasons but one of them is just simply time with people creates greater bonding if the connection exists. The honest truth I only ever intended to do one marathon and it was with Kiana's mother. It was a dumb romantic gesture that we did it on Valentine's day. We did exactly zero of the workouts together and saw each other where I waited for her for the last .2 miles of her race after I finished mine. No wonder we broke up. Big days like marathons and anniversaries and holidays are important but really irrelevantly stupid if you aren't getting the day to day things right so I am trying harder than I ever have on those. There are people who think it's weird I'm so focused when I'm not dying in a couple of months or what have you... I think it's weird that they are putting off great things for another day... The ending of a book or a life or movie or a song or a concert may greatly affect your view of it but I don't think there are many times where people go and say the last part was great but the rest was ho hum so I'm glad I got to be part of it. I'd rather go to a great concert/movie/tournament/life/book with a great journey and an okay/bad end than vice versa. I'm hoping I can figure out a way to get a good path and a good end.
And the great Olympians and the Thomas Edison’s of the world
and the creators of facebook and the internet are just feeding the beauty of
humanity, creativity to know more out inner self, our outer world and to use
both to enjoy life and connect better… and while I still don’t quite know what
to say about being called inspiring I do know that the stuff I’m being
commended for, exercising and loving my daughter… well it’s not brain surgery. I will always worry about my
daughter’s tomorrow but there’s nothing I’m more proud of than that I haven't forgotten that she is
someone today.
Amen. You're so much more than a running slut, Iram. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnother great post! Glad to hear you are making the most out of summer!
ReplyDelete