I recently updated my will to reflect the scholarship that winning
the gusher marathon got Kiana (http://www.donationto.com/Sports-Society-Fund-for-Iram-Leon)…
The simple truth is that probably anyone with kids should have a will at least because of the legalese of property etc. With that said I never had one until the cancer
stuff started… And at the time I just downloaded some forms because well my
finances were going towards direct medical bils not sideways ones but this time
around an attorney was kind enough to give me better guidance than that (http://www.texaswillsandtrustslaw.com/).
The will that stood until a few days ago simple left everything to Kiana to
receive at age 18. I am not worth much but I am in a house with some equity and
have a fairly minimal term life insurance that I wanted to make sure she
received with the least hassle. She pointed out it’s probably best to establish a trust and some
caveats and so some modifications were made like that Kiana receives 40% of
whatever there is at college graduation or at when she turns 25 (here’s hoping
she uses that scholarship fund wisely) and the rest when she turns 30. Even the
most responsible among us, I imagine if were handed $100 or $10K at age 18, it
probably wouldn’t make 19 but it took someone with more experience to help me
be aware of that.
Some other documents were put into place that were not,
again because of wiser guidance. There now exists a standing power of attorney.
When you’ve waken up in an ambulance a couple of times, when you take pills twice a day to
prevent that, it was a standing power one rather than one in case of medical
emergency because that apparently (no pun intended) is a gray area where the
doctor has to decide if you’re not mentally fit and the one we set up they have
it now whether or not a doctor thinks its neccessary. Trust me… that takes trust. Other realities that somehow I’d
neglected to put into place where pointed out… are there particular items that
you want to go to certain people… I don’t own much but there were a few people
who I thought would appreciate some sentimental tidbits from running, world
travel, ultimate etc… who gets your dog (it’s going to the “Bon Jovi” girl, a
nickname she’s not sure she likes).
A question on there was what I would like done with my remains…
and this is literally in legal papers now, I asked that I be cremated and
flushed down the toilet. There will, of course, be those who think this is less
than appropriate; there are no consequences or binding things to this and the
executor of my will Todd has already let me know that when the time comes, and
he always says decades from now, that he will be ignoring that part. But this
is simply because I don’t care about my final resting place… I’ve never cared
about resting anyway. People asked why I'm not being thrown on a race course or buried in Mexico and I've had enough friends who do things like that and I find the romance comforts them and their loved ones. I have full respect for that and to each his but I don’t romanticize death, never have and hope I never
will. Look how much I struggle with romantic moments in life. My brain
will be donated to science and perhaps my organs will be donated as well (there
are questions about whether or not medicine would take them due to the cancer
diagnosis, typically they wouldn’t but this type of cancer doesn’t metastasize
outside the brain and spine). But other things are in place like there is a
very very short window of keeping me on life support. I know, have met, respect
and at some level understand from having watched my great grandmother lie in
bed for the last few years of her life that we have a hard time letting go… but
I am not going that way… I am not going being a burden and if takes technology
to keep me breathing for longer than 72 hours… well it’s time to stop
breathing.

But Kiana’s school has had so many functions in the last two
weeks of school, watermelon and splash day (I got soaked), chalk and autograph
day (I signed it by the only way I’m known in that room, Kiana’s dad), Boone’s
got talent day (teachers danced on stage and I couldn’t decide if I was more
sad or happy that I’d never seen my teachers from elementary do something like
that). There was a dad function day where, like she does often, Kiana put a
flower in my ear. Several dads looked at me weird and it took me a while to
realize that my normal isn’t theirs… Someone said I was showing them how to
live and I’m certainly not trying to do that, I’m just trying to get a little
girl to keep smiling and if a flower in my head does it, what does that harm? I
mean school gets out tomorrow (has it literally already been a school year) and
we have a pedicure scheduled for Friday. So flowers in my hair and my toenails done in
a week just to get a six year old to smile… a friend of mine’s daughter just had
her sweet sixteen. I hope I’m still standing then.


Last summer, I wasn’t working, having gotten fired in May
(showing you how dumb I am/what I’m made of, I was given multiple chances to
resign but that’s just not my style). Legal proceedings were just starting and
I was trying to figure out Cobra, health realities etc. This summer, some of
those things still aren’t settled but the job thing for at least till 2014 is
full time dad. And I hope I can earn my keep.
You'll always be my favorite running slut, Iram. It'll be easy to find you by the painted toenails and the flower in your hair. :-)
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