The blogger has recently been blogged about (http://runninglimitless.com/monday-motivator-iram-leon-fighting-brain-cancer-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other/
and http://runoregonblog.com/2014/01/31/from-the-heart-iram-leon/
. On the second article, it has one of my worst and favorite lines… as anyone
whose read this for a while knows that I clearly reject the idea label of hero or inspiration correcting it always to
that I’m perspirational but it does talk about my two favorite races and they
are both races where I was getting to cheer other people, my mother and my
daughter (http://pickingupahitchhiker.blogspot.com/2012/10/my-better-half.html
and http://pickingupahitchhiker.blogspot.com/2013/06/finally-final.html).
Watching and cheering turns out is almost as fun as running a race and
sometimes a little bit better. But coincidentally in those races, both Kiana
and my mother were each the very last finisher of the race. (There are people my speed and slower and
faster who complain about the fact that marathons and half marathoners were
being given too much time on courses, that they should have to work harder.
Well, first of all it turns out the data doesn’t back them up on the health end
since it turns out that covering the same amount of distance is about the same
health benefits no matter what speed you do it at.) Now there are those of us
who have screwed up brains and think if we cover an arbitrary distance faster
than other people we should have higher self-esteem. But why those are my
favorite races is because it reminded me that I learned from a great woman and
teaching to a magnificent little girl that if you sign up for something, you do
what it takes if at all possible to complete it. And in a bit
I’m headed to pick up Kiana from school and like we have been doing after many
days at school, we go do 1-2 miles of a track workout of hers. And I’ve made it
clear over and over and over about this 5k that she doesn’t have to do anything
other than finish and if she doesn’t like it we don’t’ have to do it ever again
(by the way, if you haven’t donated yet, this is the last week, http://www.livestrong.org/fundraising/iramandkiana/).
Kiana clearly understands commitment
because she follows through as she did during the race that’s my favorite,
during the Spartan she cried and followed through to the end. She also
understands that people giving up easily damages others besides yourself as she
turned in an assignment for MLK day in which she said her dream (which she
drew) was her parents getting married again and that the world would be a
better place if divorce didn’t happen. You try to protect your children from so
many things but it’s sometimes the poor emotional handling of a relationship
with her mother that creates memories and I hate that part of my life. And it’s
questionable whether I’m compensating with other things or paying penance with
it. But I also know that those are rare days and most of her drawings are
rainbows or her post marathon drawing was her being carried up the stairs… so
that helps…

The Superbowl was a
horribly uncompetigive game and there weren’t really many great commercials and
there might have been brought a few liquors and beers brought. For the first
time in a while, I have an entire month without a long distance race in it so
like the rare times that I drink since my doctors don’t let me have alcohol or
caffeine I may have gotten some rum and coke. And then because two of the girls
there have bets that if I ever get
married again they have to run a marathon… I started making jokes about how I’d
be married by the end of 2014 (it was all a joke folks). I’m not sure I’ll ever
dive into a full belief of that I’ll beat cancer and I’m a total coward about
marriage but I have decided that if the next set of medical appointments go
well… I will stop using the term George Clooney girls and start being a little
more honest and open to dating someone or calling them regular people words
like a girlfriend if it gets to that stage, trying to not hide behind clever
things about how I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school.
(Mom don’t be getting all
hopeful that I’ll be getting into something soon) but I also recently heard and
downloaded a song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmJgdQwrG1Y) called middle distance runner.
Well my heart is beating
hard
And I'm off with a shot at the start
And my legs tremble from strain
But by the finish line I'll drain
So won't you run to me tonight?
Tonight let's not talk about next summer
Cause I'll only ever be a middle distance runner
And I'm off with a shot at the start
And my legs tremble from strain
But by the finish line I'll drain
So won't you run to me tonight?
Tonight let's not talk about next summer
Cause I'll only ever be a middle distance runner

And those are the songs I’m
listening to right now… like Caedmon's call's love is different than you think
Because I don't know what
I want
But at least I know that much
Now I'm afraid love came right up
And it slapped me in the face, but I did not know, no
'Cause love is different than you'd think
It's never in a song or on a TV screen
And love is harder than a word
Said at the right time and everything's alright
Because you can't just turn it off
And put a blindfold on your heart
But I'm off to a good start
But maybe you're the dream I'm waking from
Well, I see you everywhere I go
Darlin', you are such a mystery to me
Cause love is different than you'd think
But at least I know that much
Now I'm afraid love came right up
And it slapped me in the face, but I did not know, no
'Cause love is different than you'd think
It's never in a song or on a TV screen
And love is harder than a word
Said at the right time and everything's alright
Because you can't just turn it off
And put a blindfold on your heart
But I'm off to a good start
But maybe you're the dream I'm waking from
Well, I see you everywhere I go
Darlin', you are such a mystery to me
Cause love is different than you'd think
So right now, I don’t know what I want but at least I know that much. If
this blog seems semi lost it’s because it’s been an odd week for many reasons
one is that there’s not a clear immediate race. But coincidentally it has been
a cancer week of people with my particular cancer. Because I hung out with a
friend who brain cancer friend who shared they had a low platelet count and how
chemo had to be delayed for a week because of it… and another friend who moved
out of the house whose husband died of brain cancer to a different house with
her son about a year after his death to get space but she still hung up
paintings that dad had made for son in his room… and another who was acknowledging
the one year anniversary of his friends brain cancer death… and another who had
officially hit a big 5 year mark…and those were all within a few days and each
of them messed with me. And the simple truth is that none of those people are
people I would have met had I not “decided” to be active in the cancer world as
whatever label you want to put on me. And there are times where I wonder why
exactly I keep doing this when there are days I feel exhausted by it all. But
then I’m reminded of a story from the West Wing…
This guy's walkin' down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are
so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, "Hey
you! Can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it
down in the hole, and moves on.
Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole; can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can ya help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are ya stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out."
Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole; can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can ya help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are ya stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out."
And then the guy with memory problems remembers
that when this all started, even with Livestrong and with good people, he
couldn’t seem to find any others who had the human experience. And I love my
doctors but I see them when I see them and while I like them, the less I see
them the more I like them. And I love my church and I sat further up there on
Sunday hearing the preacher talk about the messes that the ones who were trying
to further ministry had gone through. But it is these friends, who I am not
sure on any given day which one of us is jumping in for the other or how stupid
it is. Nor am I sure that either of us will ever find the way out… but it is
these friends, that humanity that makes the hole a little bit easier to live
in.
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