Friday, September 14, 2012

Conspiracy Theory

There’s an old saying that just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you. I’ve been trying to figure out what was wrong for oh almost 2 years now and am intrigued by this new theory that it was damage to hippocampus that causes my neurological issues. And that I am able to make new memories far easier when emotions are concerned than ever… 

So this is no medical journal, just some touches of life here or there to remember if this memory ever fails, that I can take these slices of life. So let’s cover face/name recognition issues, I went to Kiana’s first back to school teacher’s meeting last night and there was a guy there who tried to talk to me about how great the PTA was and went on for quite a while. This morning he came up and said hey J. I sat down in the school lobby there like a kid waiting to talk to the principal and tried to repiece how do I know this guy and it took a bit but it came back but I never remembered his name. Then I remembered how there was a girl who is a runner (and slightly heavy set for a marathon runner honestly) and at a meal which was the first time I met her, she criticized the cancer community in reaction to what I had told her I’d worked on for Livestrong, Hawktober and the Brainpower 5k. She, out of apparent personal bitterness because her own degree is in Oncology and has not been able to land a job, went on a small rant about how she would never help out with cancer causes because clearly all of those people were only motivated by money. Now I’ve never gone to work just for money but everyone goes to work partly for money. Anyway, let’s just say her name and face are very clear to me. I’ve met people since then but without exception the ones who I have no problem remembering are those who made an emotional impact and the ones who I can’t seem to place as well are those who have a smaller one (with both sets, I sometimes have a hard time with names). This, of course, is true for all human being but right now I am exploring the fact that there are people who have talked to me 10 times that I can’t seem to absorb and people who one quick moment and they stay…

My auditory memory issues are long documented and I accepted that a long time ago and have learned to compensate by things like an iphone and writing more extensive notes. It tells you something though about my pride that most of the time I still wait until the session of whatever to make thorough notes after.  But even as the tests are going on I am trying to figure out the puzzle, like I had this test where I was told to remember 3 things (a test I’ve done a few times) and usually get 2 or 3 correct but it’s not as easy as it should be (they give me 3 things, tell me to remember and then do other things to distract me). The last one was remembering dog, blue, and tree. I kept wanting to say green but remembered it was blue but mumbled why am I trying to say green, because the tree is green.

It was interesting to see this new neuro-oncologist have a good will hunting moment with me trying to point out to me that none of this is my fault. He wasn’t as successful. I still want to try to be independent however I can figure it out. If the driving restriction answer comes as that it’s going to last a long time, I’ve started looking for a bike so I can continue having life. I told Kiana I may not be allowed to drive for a while and that kid didn’t blink and said well school is only a block away (it was helpful and convincing today that she smiled and danced in the rain on the way there). For whatever it’s worth, she did point out that too much further and I have to push her in a stroller

 At her parent teacher conference thing last night, they said to keep track that every third day is PE so to make sure to wear athletic shoes. This is a little more complicated than putting things in an iphone so I look for a solution that may just be keeping an extra set of shoes in her back up in case I do forget. We also signed up for marathon kids which I’m excited about. 

It’s been a long two years but I think it’s fairly clear that I’m now allowed to quit.

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