So in the first hiccup in my life ever, the Brainpower 5k
did not go how I had hoped. The simple truth is that there were multiple people
whose fault it was, mine primarily. I was on pace and would have absolutely
broken 18 and possibly won it (2 guys were in front of me when I got lost but I
was saving it till the end and had plenty left). Yet I missed a turn near the
end and don’t know how I did it but
joked around that one of my noted deficits is spatial orientation. In
the end my GPS watch said I’d done 3.5 at a faster pace than it would have
taken to break my goal and close to what the winners got but I came in at 20.
If you think I was happy at the end of that race… you don’t read this blog very
well. But I took and walked a lap around the track… walked back to the end,
cheered some of my teammates in and then went back out on the course with my running
stroller and finished with my mom and my little girl.
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But the brainpower 5k was a winner. As I drove there I
realized that with twice as many
participants, twice as much money raised, I am taking almost 20 friends and
family that didn't run it last year. Not even at the start line yet…I was well
ahead of last year. Damaged brain but the heart still works. More importantly than
all of those, this was my mom’s first race ever as we train for a half
marathon! And we crossed that finish line with 3 generations!
But look, let me say this straight forwards, I’m still
planning on breaking an 18 minute 5k sometime. And a lot of the last 2 years
has felt like dealing with a lot of demons in hell but appropriately I was reading some of Dante’s inferno:
By such a curse as theirs
none is so lost
that the eternal Love cannot return
as long as hope maintains a thread of green
that the eternal Love cannot return
as long as hope maintains a thread of green
So there are moments
where I think not breaking an 18 minute 5k is a bigger deal than the fact that
we raised a lot of money. And there are times where I get annoyed at Kiana’s
mother for being less than adequate at being so but then remember I get to walk
my daughter to school everyday. And there are times where I get annoyed at some
neurological functions lost and tell the doctors, I didn’t fight this just to
keep breathing and then as I wake her up I realize that with every breath of
mine, I get to watch one more of her. So I’m still wet behind the ears on a lot
of this and some days like the 5k today that I’d trained so hard aren’t going
to go well but… some of that hope still has a thread of green.
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