
Apparently Kiana’s mother’s boyfriend actually tried to have charges pushed because of getting pushed off my property and the government thought there was nothing there worth pursuing because well there was nothing there worth pursuing. And speaking of government, my old government job offered me a settlement of 3 months worth of medical coverage and the unpaid hours that I had accumulated from having scheduled my MRI’s at 9:00 and not having had any funds to take vacation from the last couple of years… While a cursory reading of this blog will tell you that we both mishandled a lot of the situation throughout all this (I believe them at the beginning which led to my distrust but trust begets distrust). But at the end of the day, as I said a few days after being terminated to my friends, I screwed up by forgetting something on the stand and there was no pattern there and the fact that these guys didn’t contest unemployment shows there was no pattern but the fact that I just kept trying to overcome all this without sharing any of it was my mistake. In Boston, I got lost the day before the marathon walking around town and called a friend who got me reoriented back and interestingly enough got me back by some serious backpedalling. It is interesting to me that the neurosurgeons both the local one and the one at Duke are the ones who think I still won't make 40. So I suppose this thing with my old job is a decent settlement and the paperwork isn't clear but I think we'll end up with signing it. Ironically, a sticking point was that they wanted me to retroactively resign and I wouldn't because well i'm not the quitting type. You gotta love the fact that I am the one arguing to an old employer that I want them to leave a firing on my record.
I tried to continue the helpful spirit and while this Mohawk
isn’t my style, I died it yellow for Livestrong day figuring if nothing else I
should be a good sport. Then the day
after that, I went to the cancer and transitions class and I’m continuing to be
a fan of those guys, realizing that the rookie mistake I’ve made all along is
not admitting some of these things to myself, and therefore to others. I have
to keep, despite this memory, remembering that even if a lot of this is journey
because no one has ever been quite through all of it, it doesn’t have to be
alone. I’ve even offered to host a support group for young cancer since
Livestrong was looking for people to do that.
Nonetheless, despite all that, I am heading to West Texas to
run my mom’s first half marathon with her pushing a stroller. The legs still
work and loving my mom and daughter still work. And I’m going to literally push that love in whatever way I can. This is
titled eschew obfuscation (you should look that up) and to continue to make
progress, I have to do that. Okay, it
means avoid being unclear. Someone asked at my running group if I notice any
differences from the surgery and I have all along and they are noted over and
over again in my medical records, that I have a hard time remembering people and
their names, it’s a facial recognition issue and with spatial orientation and
with some immediate memory problems (ironically the guy who asked, I would ask
someone who knows about this who they were a little while later). You can’t
just throw that out to everyone but you shouldn’t try to hide it from everyone
including yourself.

My mom’s about to run her first half marathon and I’m going
to run it pushing Kiana. At the latest doctors appointment my resting heart
rate was 48… getting closer to the best it’s ever been (right after Boston at
47). So maybe my brain’s not what it was 2 years ago but my heart’s better.
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