Monday, July 16, 2012

Two in the Bush

An old argument about well if we do that then the terrorist win if we do that and if we do that then they win, and there’s the counter argument that if we sit there and make decisions based on that that they won no matter what… Today was an interesting chapter. The doctor from Duke and I traded some emails about the latest news and some of the developments of the last year… I am still fascinated by the fact that a world class neurosurgeon has personally emailed and called me more than some of my original doctors did. I guess that’s how you get to be world class. On Friday, I am going to sit with my local neurosurgeon and that night I’m going out no matter what I am going out that night… and breathing somehow.

My old employer offered something today… which shows that they realize there is some wiggle room in culpability or at least want to avoid future hassle. They are offering to let me resign retroactively and pay out all my sick and vacation hours that I had accumulated (they don’t pay all that out) and, in apparently an atypical offer,  to pay for Cobra for 2 months (so essentially 2 weeks from now). They state they can’t donate money to any charities for me. They gave me a day to mull it over before they formally respond to my appeal which if they say no opens up a lot of ways that make them vulnerable… I countered back with that if they did six months cobra and haven’t gotten a response… At some level, as I tried with the divorce, I kind of would appreciate a clean break up and we move on but what if I don’t have a job somewhere down the line. But it would come with a letter of recommendation and then it’d be a clean break up. At some level I realize that the offer for Cobra for 2 months is awfully tempting… a bird in the hand (or in this case 2) is worth more than one in the bush but that also expires in less than 2 weeks; funny I’d given myself an expiration date of July 15th and the cancer news from last week comes a few days before and this comes the day after. Showing my “priorities,” I countered back with more time on Cobra which I haven’t heard back yet. But at some level maybe it’d just be… over and done with. After the last year and a half, somehow that’s easier to deal with that something is cleanly done with… I haven’t made a decision yet but I am mostly leaning towards it just to have health coverage longer… You have to wonder if the terrorists are winning.  

I am meeting with a recruiter tomorrow and the 2 job possibilities that looked most possible won’t work if I want to stay being Kiana’s primary guardian… there are going to be some serious battle scars from all of the last 18 months no matter what the outcome is. For the first time ever a week ago Friday, I said to someone that I was going to beat this cancer thing… and now we’re here just a few days after that with that being a real possibility and some other gambles. On Friday, if the neurosurgeon that I’m sitting with thinks we’re right well, I am going and buying a lottery ticket. I’m not too broke to afford a dollar yet and that one in my hand well what will it be worth in the bush?  

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