An old argument about well if we do that then the terrorist
win if we do that and if we do that then they win, and there’s the counter argument
that if we sit there and make decisions based on that that they won no matter
what… Today was an interesting chapter. The doctor from Duke and I traded some
emails about the latest news and some of the developments of the last year… I
am still fascinated by the fact that a world class neurosurgeon has personally
emailed and called me more than some of my original doctors did. I guess that’s
how you get to be world class. On Friday, I am going to sit with my local
neurosurgeon and that night I’m going out no matter what I am going out that
night… and breathing somehow.
My old employer offered something today… which shows that
they realize there is some wiggle room in culpability or at least want to avoid
future hassle. They are offering to let me resign retroactively and pay out all
my sick and vacation hours that I had accumulated (they don’t pay all that out)
and, in apparently an atypical offer, to
pay for Cobra for 2 months (so essentially 2 weeks from now). They state they
can’t donate money to any charities for me. They gave me a day to mull it over
before they formally respond to my appeal which if they say no opens up a lot
of ways that make them vulnerable… I countered back with that if they did six
months cobra and haven’t gotten a response… At some level, as I tried with the
divorce, I kind of would appreciate a clean break up and we move on but what if
I don’t have a job somewhere down the line. But it would come with a letter of
recommendation and then it’d be a clean break up. At some level I realize that
the offer for Cobra for 2 months is awfully tempting… a bird in the hand (or in
this case 2) is worth more than one in the bush but that also expires in less
than 2 weeks; funny I’d given myself an expiration date of July 15th
and the cancer news from last week comes a few days before and this comes the
day after. Showing my “priorities,” I countered back with more time on Cobra
which I haven’t heard back yet. But at some level maybe it’d just be… over and
done with. After the last year and a half, somehow that’s easier to deal with
that something is cleanly done with… I haven’t made a decision yet but I am
mostly leaning towards it just to have health coverage longer… You have to
wonder if the terrorists are winning.
I am meeting with a recruiter tomorrow and the 2 job
possibilities that looked most possible won’t work if I want to stay being
Kiana’s primary guardian… there are going to be some serious battle scars from
all of the last 18 months no matter what the outcome is. For the first time
ever a week ago Friday, I said to someone that I was going to beat this cancer
thing… and now we’re here just a few days after that with that being a real
possibility and some other gambles. On Friday, if the neurosurgeon that I’m
sitting with thinks we’re right well, I am going and buying a lottery ticket. I’m
not too broke to afford a dollar yet and that one in my hand well what will it
be worth in the bush?
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