People were kind enough to donate a couple of songs through
that fundraiser. They were incredibly nice but one dedicated by someone was “Holding
out For A Hero,” one I’d heard a long time ago watching Shrek . The lyrics are sweet and the beat is good enough to where
it got me to add it to the upcoming Austin Marathon playlist:
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
As I watched the
second part of the Lance Armstrong as watched this fallen hero, this guy who
had cheated in a sport, and I watched some of the friends and staff members I’ve
come to respect in the organization have to be bashed and seeing people calling
an organization that helps people incredibly inappropriate things, it was
tough. The cheating by Armstrong is bad enough but what I am disgusted by is
the fact that they (he and his attorneys) went out of their way to damage
people who were telling the truth. But I am also disgusted by the fact that
there were others who in the anonymity of the internet were taking joy in
someone’s fall. I am a gigantic fan of MLK and love the fact it’s service day
in honor of him. But a man who was a preacher and loved his wife, failed at many
of his own morals, having more affairs than most people have relationships. He plagiarized
much of his graduate work. But that doesn’t make him worthless, it makes him
human though as I’ve said before, it’s not the sin that kills you, it’s the
cover up. I’ve got nothing to hide. And I want to stay positive to echo, MLK’s "Darkness cannot drive
out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can
do that."
I’ve made
mistakes my whole life, many chronicled here. I’ll make some more but I’ll own
them and I don’t try to not harm anyone who is trying to point them out. Someone
commented on my remarks about Lance, who I have never tried to defend, that
they’ve done a 180 on him. They state that it’s awesome that he beat cancer but
beating cancer is no more awesome than being born. Both are awesome but it
doesn’t matter if you get the gift of life or a second chance at it. It’s what
you do with it. And again, I made mistakes in both life part I and II but I am
proud of my batting average.
One of the
people who seems to enjoying the fall of Lance Armstrong is someone who used to
be married to me. A mutual friend sent me her facebook status:
"Here's
the problem: People like Lance Armstrong (and my ex-husband) lie, and cheat to
get their attention, fame, money, handouts, whatever and they don't mind using
cancer, they don't mind using courts to sue the mess out of people, using
innocent 5 year olds in video campaigns, they don't mind bullying, altering the
truth, redefining 'cheat' , they will twist reality whatever way they need to in
order to feel accomplished, adored, and like they won. They have no regard and
no respect for the generality of population because they think they can manipulate
it in whatever way they want using the media, using 'good deeds', using blogs
and foundations. It's incredibly machiavellian, incredibly dishonest, and
incredibly damaging to themselves, to their children, to other people and other
people's children, to charity causes themselves, to heroic ideal."
I don’t know
what I’m lying about. Hell I was annoyed about the fact that the first
Livestrong video I came out in was how I screwed up things but I am glad I
owned it. And the friends, who have helped through this thing, and my doctors,
have had to push me to accept help. I’d much rather be the guy who sneaks out
of the hospital to run and qualifies for Boston and is a romantic story. But
that’s not the totality of reality. I am also the guy who has cancer and needs
to prioritize appropriately. And I believe I have. I have volunteered for
races, for Livestrong, for hospitals, for ultimate events, for marathon kids, for
a political party (I voted for Pedro) but every single one of those
organizations has gotten the exact same answer, I am done about 2 because I’ve
got to bike home and walk a block a kid to pick up from school.
The only thing
I’m trying to cheat is death. I have less money, no fame, and if people want to
judge me for taking me insurance that I’d paid for and the insurance and my
doctors felt I qualified for on a disease and it’s side effects, both of which
I had nothing to do with, judge away but make sure if you ever have an accident
with your car or in your house that you don’t use insurance. No wait, that’s
what insurance is for. Maybe there are those whose ideals are that there was a
perfect guy sent from heaven who got it all right and we can achieve through
effort or grace or whatever your religion is. I am an idealist but I also don’t
ever want to treat life like the enemy of the perfect is the good. Obama said a
remark when he got elected that the media would criticize as too cheesy but I
love it, he said we are the ones we’ve been waiting for. I don’t know if the
cure to brain cancer is coming in my lifetime but that livestrong quote continues
to be true, my friends and family are saving my life.
Court is set
again for next Wednesday, the 4th time court’s been set and I don’t
care how long it gets dragged out. To me it’s the same as however long this
cancer drags out because each one of those days are extra time with my daughter.
With this second video, I’ve gotten some very nice comments about being
inspirational. As I’ve said here and essentially said there, I’ve never been
trying to be inspiration, just trying to live. When I ran with a stroller, the
policeman shouted when I came through again at my mom that I was his hero. And
I’ve gotten those kind of remarks a few times. But a cursory reading of this
blog would tell you that the coverage of the last finisher of the Austin
Marathon impressed me more than the winner. Amy who does Triathlons with a
missing leg impressed me more than the guys who set records. Matt who had to
relearn to walk and is 4 weeks from his first marathon impresses me more. My
mom doing her first half marathon coming from a generation of people who don’t
exercise doing her first half marathon at age 60, that’s heroic. While I got an
invitation to one of the more elite training groups in town, I passed it up and
the group I train with and the group I coached are both where no one who reads
this blog would be the slowest person there. And most of the people who help
out with both training groups, like me, were volunteers. Tonight we’re having a
dinner together. That’s heroic.
I am no hero, never have been, and rarely think I'll beat this. Just a guy who runs fast because it's his therapy and for a few times on hills, on a track, or on a long workouts, running lets me stay for a little while ahead of my problems. Wednesdays, unless court gets postponed again, a lot of this leaves the blogosphere and it becomes legal public record. And I need the court to understand only one thing; I am no hero but I am a good dad.
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