Today Brian Rose passed away. He was part of the same
navigational campaign as me, www.livestrong.org/brian
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5KfySVkqyw
. He died today in his mid 30’s. I met him less than 5 months ago and today he
passed. These are the days where you have survivor’s guilt, where you wonder
how the hell some people who are far far better men than I’ve ever been don’t
make it. These are the days where I am comforted and comfortable with the fact
that I chose to spend my time with my daughter. She’s six years old and by the
grace of God, I don’t know if there is some sense of purpose people feel about
survival but I choose to believe that I am standing to be able to stand next to
her and hold her hand. And there are zero good parents in the world who wouldn’t
take the opportunity to do so. In that original hospital bed all I was worried
about was providing financial resources was for 2 great girls in my life… well
now there’s only one of those girls left. The money is there and so now I’m
focused in on the time and the relationship. Now an insurance is paying the
bills and I wake up, get my daughter ready, get her to school. I am there the
moment she gets out.

Brian and another girl I met through Livestrong both went
through whirlwind romances after cancer and got married. When I met Brian, he was
there at the dinner with his wife, Lupe who was pregnant while he was in treatment.
We had watched each other videos and I think we both felt that in the short
exchange we had some real aspects of us captured in those films but that it was
also nice to meet each other in person. He was going through treatment and we
both had our own lives so we only ever exchanged a few messages but perhaps my
favorite thing he said to me is that Livestrong should have gotten me running
with a stroller… That 30k picture of us finishing and winning my age group and
both of us smiling is my Facebook profile picture. And trust me even if I break
a 3 hour marathon in 2 weeks, that 30K will still mean at least 8 times more.
I am not at my emotional sharpest today. I’m not sure I ever
am. But today, while most people were at work, I was doing my daughter’s
laundry and spent a few minutes with her after school before her mother
arrived. Tomorrow I go to be the “mystery reader” at her school. Mondays I
volunteer at their library. When I graduated Valedictorian, when I graduated
Suma Cud Laude with 2 degrees, I promise you that being a parent wasn’t
something that concerned me or that I honestly cared much about. Now, it
concerns me more than anything.
Once upon a time I wanted to pay it back but I choose to pay
it forward. I am trying to do it as well as I know how, continuing to volunteer
for running events, now that some things are more in order I am going to get
back to helping organize tournaments in ultimate more. I am also currently
fundraising for the two organizations that helped me fight the most and today
we will make it special. I have gotten to make some connections through this
process that until the memory itself fades will be permanently etched. One of
those has been Livestrong and the Austin Marathon, if you want to support that
cause http://laf.livestrong.org/site/TR/Endurance/Endurance?px=1004553&pg=personal&fr_id=1390
donate here. If you live in Austin and donate at least $25 today, I will get
you an Austin marathon bag. The other is Duke http://dccc.convio.net/site/TR/Angels/AngelsAmongUs?px=1118121&pg=personal&fr_id=1150.
If you donate at least $25 there we will be doing a raffle where you could win
a 4 night stay in Sonoma, the place I went to from winning the trip from the
Brainpower 5K which is incredible. If you can’t, you can’t. If you can only
donate to one, well today donate to Duke because somehow I dropped the ball
there and this is the first time I’ve raised money for Duke despite having done
so for brain cancer research and for Livestrong.
And whether it’s your daughter, your friends, your
girlfriend, your mother, hug someone tight whether or not you donated. Because if you're reading this, both you and I survived today and surviving through that hug is something you should have no
guilt about.
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