We uphold hero mythologies… perhaps there are people who
really are heroes like I’ve been called that a few times over the last few
weeks… and all I have to say about that is that if exercising with your kid
makes you a hero… we need to raise the bar, I believe that should be the standard. There’s been different articles and there’s still more interviews coming and a cursory reading of this blog shows you that I’m both open (some have called it sharing a journey, others have called it narcissistic) but I like the tone of this one…
http://www.nj.com/ledger-dalessandro/index.ssf/2013/03/marathoner_with_brain_cancer_inspires_wins.html
because it reminds me of one of the oddest and best things anyone has ever said
to me… You’re somewhere between the perfect combination of Jerry Springer and
Ellen. Somehow neither has called for an interview… There actually have been a couple of TV
things and radio things and most of those aren’t shared on here because I am
more self conscious about the interaction than the written word maybe because
my own voice sounds odd to me and on video I see the muscle damage where half
of my mouth doesn’t move as evenly on the surgery side.
I am not a guy who gets stuck on details but in most of the
press stories there has been various details wrong like
that I don’t do races without Kiana (I don’t on weekends I have her) or that I
didn’t start running until the cancer diagnosis. Some I imagine is me/someone
communicating poorly and some is that we all like a good story. Let me dispel the idea that I’ve never thought
quitting, I have. It was good people who helped me, who helped me with self doubt or who reminded me
that no matter how I ran it was being a good dad that mattered (and I am ever
grateful that the two combined so well recently). But all of this reminds me of
the Simon and Garfunkle song
In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that layed him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that layed him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains
I’ve got some boxer and fighter in me but still some thoughts of
quitting came. A couple of years ago, I fell apart. I am a
disciplined person but I collapsed and while my cancer/divorce/job was happening one of my friends said look you
need to get laid, you need to get high, you need to get drunk, you need to
smoke a cigarette, you need to get back to running, you need to get back to
church, you need counseling. I had about as many cures to being down as I’ve
had offers for cures to cancer. And on both counts, I’ve probably tried more than my mother would be proud of.
But if the Gusher marathon is a high point, if somehow I’ve written a line of
my obituary that I won a marathon pushing a stroller, there was also a night
where I got wasted on tequila and smoked cigarettes for the first and only time
in my life. I woke up the next morning and then I got back to trying to run… if
death was going to come, I was going to make him work for it and someone sent me a jersey that captures that perfectly.

I did a 5k today… came in second without a stroller… the thing
about winning a marathon with a stroller is that from point onwards whatever
time you get people ask well did you do it with a stroller ;). I am going to
keep running and keep training hard and keep pushing a stroller but the point
isn’t the win. It’s the effort. If death is going to win, it’s going to have to
run pretty fucking hard after me. The only way I’m ever slowing down is to hold
hands with a princess. We did the Austin marathon’s trash run. We just signed
up for her first road mile race the weekend after I get back from Duke. And seeing
her smile in those are million dollar memories.
I am going to try to stay ahead of my problems and besides
my princess. Someone sent me a great bracelet that says Carry On and it’s super
nice so I’ll probably save it for special occasions… There have been lots of
people still offering cures to cancer, some with less than legal substances. I’m
not going to risk custody or take trips all over the world to try to buy more
time because who knows if it’ll work but I know I enjoy the moments now. Still,
I trust my doctors and I think between that and me running is why the fighter
still remains. But I’m going to keep boxing down cancer and boxing up good
memories.
That is my sort of boxing. Well done and congrats on the race!
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